The rector at the first parish I served described people’s experience as Christmas approaches this way:
“Happy people get happier. Sad people get sadder. Angry people get angrier.”
In my observations of parishioners, I have found his observations are often true.
Those who revel in Christmas preparations and whose lives haven’t been thrown too many unpleasant surprises recently, exude light and joy.
Those who grieve, mourn, or regret tend toward melancholy or withdrawl.
And those who are angry, anxious, or worried become more so, often reacting to the added stresses of the season by lashing out or getting themselves into trouble.
But the observation isn’t limited to parishioners.
It applies to us as well.
We preachers and church leaders are just as vulnerable to the hype and emotions within and around us.
Whether you feel happy, sad, angry, or a mix of those and more, one thing is almost certain: your to-do list abounds.
To make the remainder of your Advent season and Christmastide more joyful, here are ten “Stop Doing” suggestions.
Apply as needed.
1. Stop pursuing perfection
Christmas morning, the people gathered, singing. The Grinch on the mountain above, puzzled over the town below, his feet ice cold in the snow: “It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags.”
Would Christmas still come to your congregation without bulletins in hand, a live donkey for the pageant, a full choir, or inspiring children’s programs?
Probably.
2. Stop reacting
People who are sad, anxious, or worried may lash out, be more critical than usual, or elbow their way into situations or meetings to which they do not belong.
It’s not you. It’s them. It’s theirs.
Their sadness, their anxiety, their worries.
Don’t eat their “cookies.” They don’t belong to you.
Instead, get curious.
Ask what “ingredients” were used to bake their “cookies.”
That is, what led to their anxiety, sadness, or worries?
Get curious, ask questions, be pastoral and concerned, and let their feelings remain theirs.
3. Stop doing some of the home Christmas prep you always do
Just because you’ve always done it this way doesn’t mean you have to do it that way this year.
If others will balk at the change, it’s also okay to delegate some of those traditions to those who care about them and are perfectly capable to carry them on.
(Besides, you’ll increase your empathy with those in your parish who don’t want to give up parish traditions!)
4. Stop losing sleep
Really.
Losing sleep is not a good thing.
Be extra vigilant to plan for, guard, and stick to all the ways you need proper rest: sleep, exercise, a manageable schedule, and healthy eating.
Your decisions, affect, and less-anxious presence will all be improved.
5. STOP Doing three things on your to-do list
Look at your to-do list.
For each task, ask yourself whether your loved ones, parish, or the Kin-dom of God will be irreperably affected were that task not to be accomplished right now—or ever.
Of those to which you answered no, take three of them off your list.
Now.
6. Stop Scheduling or Attending two appointments between now and Christmas
See #5 above.
Substitute the word “appointment” where it says “task.”
Follow the directions.
7. Stop unhealthy stress responses
When we’re under stress, it’s easy to fall into unhealthy responses.
Eating too much.
Doing too much.
Drinking too much.
Spending too much.
Snapping at loved ones or staff too much.
If you notice yourself responding to the stress of the season, ask yourself: what do you really need?
What does God want to offer you because you are loved?
Sleep? Prayer? A time-out?
Do those instead.
Because you are loved.
8. Stop telling yourself there’s nothing new to be discovered in very familiar texts
Uhh, yes there is.
There are two easy ways to get out of that rut:
Ask three, open-ended questions of every familiar text.
Questions can be scholarly, spiritual, imaginative, or pertain to our current human condition.
For example, consider where these open-ended questions (italicized) about the Magnificat might lead you:
As soon as the angel Gabriel had left after his announcement, and Mary had finished her song, what do you imagine she did next?
What does it mean for a soul to “magnify” the Lord? Where have you seen that happen?
Though we will not be remembered for all generations like Mary is, or blessed in the same way as she was, all generations could call you blessed. Why?
You’ll hear your colleagues’ perspectives and almost certainly gain new insights or discover new connections.
9. Stop not having time scheduled for your sermon prep
How much time do you need?
Let’s just say you need ten hours to prep your Christmas Eve sermon.
Is it on your calendar? When it is, will you stick to it?
10. Stop feeling alone
Make time for coffee or dinner with loved ones. Slow down and watch a Christmas movie with your kids. Head out on a date to see Christmas lights with your spouse.
It’s not cheating to STOP and BE with those you love.
It’s actually the point.
Christmas is connection. God’s connection to us. Jesus as infant who can be snuggled and nursed and held and kissed. Jesus who grows and issues invitation after invitation to connect with each other.