4 Steps to Prepare yourself for Sermon Pushback (1st of a 2-Part Series)

When listeners tell us the sermon message we offered shouldn’t have been preached, I consider that pushback.

They may push back against the message itself, or a tone they object to, or a perceived agenda, or their belief that Jesus would not agree with what we said.

Or sometimes, they may object to what the bible actually says.

Their criticism is usually accompanied by strong emotion. We might hear anxiety, worry, or disrespect; hurt, resentment, or suspicion; disillusionment, alienation, or confusion.

They may share their feelings in the receiving line after the service; at a committee meeting in front of everyone; or by phone, text or email later.

Receiving strong emotions from our listeners is part of preaching life, and the experience can feel uncomfortable, enraging, shaming, or frightening.

When we accept as fact that pushback will come, we’re less surprised when we hear it, which makes us less vulnerable to its effects.

Even better, prayerfully preparing ourselves with the steps below will increase our confidence that we’ll know how to respond effectively, respectfully, and pastorally.

This blog prepares us for ordinary, run of the mill pushback that nearly every preacher receives, but not pushback that is so strong it results in job loss or being physically threatened. That kind of serious pushback requires greater depth than this article can accomplish.

In this blog, the first of a two-part series, I offer suggestions for regulating our emotions, creating relational safety, and reflecting and getting curious. The second blog will focus on how to respond to pushback specifically about “political” sermons.

Step 1: regulate yourself

Pushback is normal.

It’s inevitable that preachers receive objections about the content of their messages.

Encountering pushback is rarely a welcome or pleasant experience, but the impact can be lessened when we know it’ll come, whether it’s expected or not.

Preparing ourselves to regulate our emotions will help us in that moment.

Pushback comes and pushback goes. Emotions come, and emotions go. Hard conversations come, and hard conversations go.

Remember, this will pass.

Trust the Spirit: pushback means we’re doing our jobs.

But how do we maintain our equanimity?

Be grateful

Be grateful for your listeners and pray for their worries and concerns, their gifts, and their contributions to ministry.

Be glad for the chance to build your relationship through mutual understanding, perspective-taking, and shared work in the congregation’s mission.

Whenever you have the chance, tell them what you appreciate about them, and be specific.

Also, be grateful, and thank God (literally) that we have been called to preach at this time.

We get to preach in a time such as this!

The gospel is needed desperately right now, and we get to be in the sacred and privileged position of sharing it.

Finally, be grateful for those who love you no matter what, and tell them so, often.

Be Clear about your purpose

In the middle of someone receiving critical feedback, we might ask ourselves ruefully, “Why do I do this job?”

It will help if we actually have an answer!

Why do we do this job? Why do we preach?

Be clear about your purpose in preaching and how this purpose fits in the mission of the Church and your congregation.

Craft an answer to that question that is short and succinct, like a mantra, so you can remind yourself when you need to find your courage to listen.

Imagine the Moment

Imaginary role play is an effective way to rehearse how we’ll deal with something.

For example, imagine you’ve preached a provocative message.

As you stand in the receiving line after the service, you notice that the body language of a listener approaching you.

Their neck is rigid, their jaw clenched, their shoulders close to their ears.

Here it comes! Anger, fear, or contempt are about to be unleashed.

As you imagine the scene, notice the emotions it raises in you.

Describe it out loud so you hear your voice: "I notice I'm feeling..." 

Next, imagine yourself pausing and breathing.

You don’t have to respond instantly. You can take your time.

Finally, imagine a sentence you’ll have at the ready, like “Thanks for telling me how the sermon felt. Could we set up a time so I can hear more about your perspective?”

Rehearse this in your mind like a guided meditation so your system learns to trust that you’re prepared to respond when the moment comes.

Step 2: Create relational Safety

When people feel defensive, on edge, or that they’re being called to account, they generally aren’t willing to have a heart-to-heart, find-common-ground conversation!

We need to create as much safety for them as possible so they relax and trust you have their best interests at hear.

Here are some ideas to do so.

Assume Good Intentions

First, assume they are well-intended followers of Jesus, and that they are reasonable, fellow human beings, even if their perspective differs from yours.

A different perspective, after all, is the beauty of free will—which allows us to make great decisions and really bad ones.

And it’s possible that a bad decision is our own.

Having the humility to be genuinely curious and willing to learn from the listener and change your mind, is critical.

Trust that they have a lifetime of experience that has created their perspective, just as you do.

Encourage their autonomy and conscience when applying their best understanding of the gospel.

Be Respectful

Show respect for who they are, just as they are.

Relax your body by relaxing your jaw, dropping your shoulders, opening your palms, holding your arms at your sides, and breathing deeply.

Remember that anxiety raises anxiety, and calm creates calm.

Use a warm tone of voice, and choose words that are clear and kind.

Express gratitude that they care enough about their faith and relationship with you to talk about something that bothered them.

acknowledge mutual purpose

What purpose do you hold in common?

For example, you both want to follow Jesus as closely as possible.

You both want to love your neighbor as yourself and understand Scripture better.

Maybe you both want to feed the hungry, or have a robust Christian education program.

Say out loud the ways you both want the same thing to remind each other that you’re moving in the same direction even while some things feel at odds.

Step 3: Reflect and Get Curious

Conduct a case study of a conversation when you received pushback to learn what to do better the next time.

Writing, preferably by hand, helps slow down our thoughts, clarify them, and prevents us from ruminating by getting the encounter our of our systems.

In the case study, first write a brief summary of what happened. This is just the facts: sermon, text, person, day, objection(s), and emotions.

Next write the conversation out as best as you remember it. If it was long, then focus on the most energetic or heated part of the encounter.

Consider the conversation relative to the suggestions below. What went well? What would you do differently next time?

Own Your part

Own your part. What did you do well? What didn’t you?

When it comes to what you did well, be cautious about what’s said out loud so it doesn’t sound defensive or argumentative.

It might be that you know—and keep to yourself—the extensive exegesis you conducted, or that the listener is wrestling with their faith and asking themselves uncomfortable questions exactly the way you hoped the Spirit would guide them.

At the same time, maybe they have a valid point and you did cross a line.

Or maybe you haven't clarified with the congregation the purpose of preaching, including what you will and won’t say (see below).

Maybe the tone of voice, word choice, or illustrations could have been better chosen.

No sermon is perfect. We can always learn with humility and grace.

Don’t Read their minds or assume they can read yours

It’s easy to jump to conclusions about what someone believes and why.

In the case study, we can notice whether we were tentative in what we thought we understood about what they were saying or their motivations.

Did we say what we were thinking out loud and request clarification? Did we rinse and repeat until they confirmed they felt understood?

Did we rely on body language or tone of voice to convey our meaning? These are easily overlooked or misunderstood.

If it’s important, then we need to say it out loud clearly, respectfully, and as simply as possible, then check that we were understood. How did this go?

Hold convictions lightly

A genuine, authentic conversation means being willing to have our minds changed.

Today’s certainty might be tomorrow’s foolishness.

In the case study, were we willing to be changed? To hold hypotheses rather than certainties? Summarize what was learned that next time can be repeated or done differently.

share what you will and won't preach

Educate the congregation through committee meetings, Christian education, and newsletters what you will and won’t preach about so no one is surprised.

We might go into greater depth with the parish council, not to have them agree with you, but so they are not surprised about what you say from the pulpit and are equipped to respond if they hear complaints.

Preaching boundaries might include:

• I will never tell you who to vote for.

• I will never tell you which political party to be part of.

• I will preach when policies that affect all of us—or only some of us—are congruent or incongruent with the gospel.

• I will call out when the poor, marginalized, and different from the majority are not being treated with dignity or respect. 

• I will preach both what the gospel is as much as how the gospel works in daily life because Jesus preached both.

• I will preach how God is concerned with us as individuals as much as God is concerned with us as a people.

• I will preach the ways love of neighbor is applied to every realm of our lives, in our hearts, families, work, and our common life as a community and nation.

conclusion

Emotional regulation, encouraging safety for a conversation, and reflecting and getting curious afterwards help us prepare for future pushback we receive.

With practice and prayer, we’ll be ready to respond clearly, respectfully, pastorally.

If you have suggestions about ways you handled pushback effectively, I’d love to hear about it. Send me a message at lisa@backstorypreaching.com.