4 Steps to Prepare yourself for Sermon Pushback (1st of a 2-Part Series)
When listeners tell us the sermon message we offered shouldn’t have been preached, I consider that pushback.
They may push back against the message itself, a tone they object to, a perceived agenda, or their belief that Jesus would not agree with what we said.
Or sometimes, they object to what the bible actually says.
Their criticism is usually accompanied by strong emotion. We might hear anxiety, worry, or disrespect; hurt, resentment, or suspicion; disillusionment, alienation, or confusion.
They may share their feelings in the receiving line after the service, at a committee meeting in front of everyone, or by phone, text or email later.
Receiving strong emotions from our listeners is part of preaching life, and the experience can feel uncomfortable, enraging, shaming, or frightening.
When we accept as fact that pushback will come, we’re less surprised when we hear it which makes us less vulnerable to its effects.
Even better, prayerfully preparing ourselves with the steps below will increase our confidence that we’ll know how to respond effectively, respectfully, and pastorally.
This blog offers suggestions for ordinary, run of the mill pushback that nearly every preacher receives, but not pushback so strong that it results in job loss or being physically threatened. That kind of serious pushback requires greater depth than this article can accomplish.
In this blog, the first of a two-part series, I offer suggestions for regulating our emotions, creating relational safety, and reflecting and getting curious. The second blog will focus on how to respond to pushback specifically about “political” sermons.
Step 1: regulate yourself
Pushback is normal.
It’s inevitable that preachers receive objections about the content of their messages.
Encountering pushback is rarely a welcome or pleasant experience, but the impact can be lessened when we know it’ll come whether it’s expected or not.
Preparing ourselves to regulate our emotions will help us in that moment.
Pushback comes and pushback goes. Emotions come, and emotions go. Hard conversations come, and hard conversations go.
Remember, this will pass.
Trust the Spirit: pushback means we’re doing our jobs.
Even so, how do we maintain our equanimity?
Be grateful
Be grateful for your listeners and pray for their worries and concerns, their gifts, and their contributions to ministry.
Be glad for the chance to build your relationship through mutual understanding, perspective-taking, and shared work in the congregation’s mission.
Whenever you have the chance, tell them what you appreciate about them, and be specific.
Also, be grateful, and thank God (literally) that we have been called to preach at this time.
We get to preach in a time such as this!
The gospel is needed desperately right now, and we get to be in the sacred and privileged position of sharing it.
Finally, be grateful for those who love you no matter what, and tell them so often.
Be Clear about your purpose
In the middle of someone receiving critical feedback, we might ask ourselves ruefully, “Why do I do this job?”
It will help if we actually have an answer!
Why do we do this job? Why do we preach?
Be clear about your purpose in preaching and how this purpose fits in the mission of the Church and your congregation.
Craft an answer to that question that is short and succinct, like a mantra, so you can remind yourself when you need to find the courage to listen.
Imagine the Moment
Imaginary role play is an effective way to rehearse how we’ll deal with something.
For example, imagine you’ve preached a provocative message.
As you stand in the receiving line after the service, you notice that the body language of a listener approaching you.
Their neck is rigid, jaw clenched, and shoulders are close to their ears.
Here it comes! Anger, fear, or contempt are about to be unleashed.
As you imagine the scene, notice the emotions it raises in you.
Describe it out loud so you hear your voice: "I notice I'm feeling..."
Next, imagine yourself pausing and breathing.
You don’t have to respond instantly. You can take your time.
Finally, imagine a sentence you’ll have at the ready, like “Thanks for telling me how the sermon felt. Could we set up a time so I can hear more about what you heard?”
Rehearse this in your mind like a guided meditation so your system learns to trust that you’re prepared to respond when the moment comes.
Step 2: Create relational Safety
When people feel defensive, on edge, or that they’re being called to account, they generally aren’t willing to have a heart-to-heart, find-common-ground conversation!
When our listeners feel this way, we need to create as much safety for them as possible so they relax and trust that we have their best interests at heart.
Here are some ideas to do so.
Assume Good Intentions
First, assume they are well-intended followers of Jesus, and that they are reasonable, fellow human beings, even if their perspective differs from yours.
A different perspective, after all, is the beauty of free will, which allows us to make great decisions—and really bad ones.
And it’s possible that the bad decision is ours.
Having the humility to be genuinely curious, willing to learn from the listener, and even change our minds, is critical.
Ask questions to illuminate their lifetime of experience that created their perspective.
Encourage their autonomy and conscience in their understanding of the gospel.
Be Respectful
Show respect for who they are, just as they are.
Relax your body by loosening your jaw muscles, dropping your shoulders, opening your palms, holding your arms at your sides, and breathing deeply.
Remember that anxiety raises anxiety, and calm creates calm.
Use a warm, low tone of voice, and choose words that are clear and kind.
Express gratitude that they care enough about their faith and relationship with you to talk about something that bothered them.
acknowledge mutual purpose
What purpose do you hold in common?
For example, you both want to follow Jesus as closely as possible.
You both want to love your neighbor as yourself and understand Scripture better.
Perhaps you both want to feed the hungry, or have a robust Christian education program.
Say out loud the ways you both want the same thing to remind each other that you’re moving in the same direction even while some things feel at odds.
Step 3: Reflect and Get Curious
Conduct a case study of a conversation when you received pushback to prepare for the next time.
Doing this by writing by hand helps slow down our thoughts, clarify them, and decreases ruminating about the encounter by getting it our of our systems.
In the case study, first write a brief summary of what happened. This is just the facts: sermon, text, person, day, objection(s), and emotions.
Next write the conversation out as best as you remember it. If it was long, then focus on the most energetic or heated part of the encounter.
Consider the conversation relative to the suggestions below. What went well? What would you do differently next time?
Own our part
Own our part. What did we do well? What didn’t we?
It might be that we know—and kept to ourselves so we didn’t sound defensive or patronizing—the extensive exegesis we conducted, or that the listener is wrestling with their faith exactly the way we hoped the Spirit would guide them.
At the same time, maybe they have a valid point and we did cross a line. Maybe we told people what to do or implied they were wrong.
A test for this possibility is asking ourselves how we would feel if we heard this sermon. Would we feel defensive? On edge?
Another possibility is that we haven't clarified with the congregation the purpose of preaching, including what we will and won’t say (see below).
Or maybe our tone of voice, word choice, or illustrations could have been better chosen.
No sermon is perfect. We can always own our part and adjust with humility and grace.
Don’t Read their minds or assume they can read yours
It’s easy to jump to conclusions about what someone believes and why.
In the case study, notice whether we asked clarifying questions until they said they felt understood.
Did we rely on body language or tone of voice to convey our meaning? Both can be overlooked or misunderstood.
Say what we mean and mean what we say: out loud, clearly, respectfully, and as simply as possible, checking for understanding on both sides as we go.
How did the mind reading go?
Hold convictions lightly
A genuine, authentic conversation means being willing to have our minds changed.
Today’s certainty may be tomorrow’s foolishness.
In the case study, were we willing to be changed? To hold hypotheses rather than certainties?
Summarize what was learned in the case study, noting what we want to repeat because it worked well, and what we would do differently.
Step 4: share what you will and won't preach
Listeners need to know the boundaries around what we will and won’t preach so no one is surprised.
Granted, we can't reach every listener but we can reach many of them.
Committee meetings, Christian education, newsletters, and the parish website are possible places to talk about what you will and won’t preach about.
We might go into greater depth with the parish council, not so they agree with us but so they are not surprised about what we say from the pulpit and are equipped to respond if they hear complaints.
Preaching boundaries might include:
I will never tell you who to vote for.
I will never tell you which political party to be part of.
I will preach when church or public policies that affect all of us—or only some of us—are congruent or incongruent with the gospel.
I will call out when the poor, marginalized, and different from the majority are not being treated with dignity or respect.
I will preach both what the gospel is as much as how the gospel works in daily life because Jesus preached both.
I will preach how God is concerned with us as individuals as much as God is concerned with us as a community.
I will preach the ways love of neighbor is applied to every realm of our lives, in our hearts, families, work, and our common life as a parish, community, and nation.
conclusion
Emotional regulation, encouraging safety for a conversation, reflecting and getting curious afterwards, and letting people know what they can expect in our sermons prepare us for future pushback.
With practice and prayer, we’ll be ready to respond clearly, respectfully, pastorally.
If you have suggestions about ways you handled pushback effectively, I’d love to hear about it. Send me a message at lisa@backstorypreaching.com.